How much of your self-esteem do you place in the hands of other people? How to recognise it, why you need to change it, and how

29 July, 2010

The big flaw in your mind’s plan to “self-worth through others” is this: how are you going to know whether people are pleased with you, or whether they have a favourable opinion of you? The only way you’ll know is by actually asking them, and mostly, unless we are in a situation where we are receiving structured feedback (i.e. a performance review) we won’t ask and we won’t know. Their opinion of you therefore remains an imagined one that you make up in your head. And how reliable is that? Not reliable enough to base your whole self-esteem on, that’s for sure!

The most important steps in personal-development are: become the person you really are, decide to keep developing yourself – always, then decide that that’s good enough for YOU. Real self-worth is about deciding “I am who I am, imperfections and all, and I love and approve of myself” regardless of what others may or may not think.

The balance lies in considering and maintaining:

How can I be considerate and respectful of other’s needs, act with good intentions towards others AND be considerate and respectful of my own self: my needs, wants, desires, comforts and who I really am?

There are no easy and hard and fast answers and rules. However, consider that every day and see what changes for you.

Coming up: Part 2: How to develop your own sense of self in a useful and sustainable way.

With love and positive thoughts as always,

Charlotte. for coaching and therapy services in Wellington.

Coaching & Supervision

Life Coaching is about finding out what is right for you in your life and getting you there. It can be transformative and is not always about 'transformation' ...more


Training is about creating an environment where learning and implementing new skills is easy. We have a personal and professional touch ...more

Leadership Coaching

Leadership Coaching is about ensuring you are continuously developing your toolset, mindset and skillset, in order to deliver the best possible ...more