Where's The Real You Among The Turbulence?

12 April, 2012

Have you ever wondered why personal development can feel like you've opened the largest can of worms in history? There's more and more to fix and it seems to go on forever. What can we do, if this is the case?

We have been talking in my meditation class recently about the balance between accepting ourselves as we are; pains and imperfections and all, and the need to change ourselves, to fix ourselves in some way, to make things better than they are.

In the NLP model, it makes perfect sense to notice a problem, and then find the tools and strategies to fix it. And then boom - we're done! Sometimes however, we can keep finding problems, and keep fixing them, and find another one, and fix it, and, and, and, and ……….. it doesn't seem like we are so "done" any more. As my meditation teacher calls it, we are "chasing turbulence".

The problem is we are coming from a place of "needing fixing" - a place of wrongness, that what is right now is not OK, and needs to be better. A place of not good enough and I need to make them good enough. A place of saying that what IS right now is NOT OK.

If this feels like an experience you've had or might have, then I am proposing a couple of antidotes, take them as you will:

1. Find Your Core

There is a place, what we might call a central place, a Core, if you will, of deep-down rooted OKNESS. A part of you that knows, no matter what's going on "out there" or "in there" (meaning both the turbulence in your life and turbulence in your head) that IT (the Core of you) is OK. It is pure. It is strong. It is unaffected. It is stable. It is strong enough to deal with stuff because it just knows that its OK. There is no problem here - WE ARE OK.

We don't have apples without cores. We don't have butterflies without a body. We don't have books without spines. We don't have cargo without containers.

So, what about what's holding you in place then, that's keeping you strong amongst the turbulence? Where is your centralised Core Self of OKNESS?

If you don't know, or haven't connected with it yet, it would be important to do so.

I recommend a practice. It is a breathing practice which is demonstrated wonderfully by Susan Piver here. I also add to it that as you breathe in that you imagine some visual imagery of what the Core of you would look like and feel like. For me it is like this cast-iron rod that runs from my nasal passage all the way down to the bottom of my torso, and that each time I breath in and I am filling it with strength; more strength to do the thing that our Core Self is meant to do - keep us stable and grounded.

2. Practice Acceptance

This is a difficult one for most of us - especially when we are in distress or discomfort. See how it feels to approach these stressful feelings in a different way. So instead of noticing a pain in your back and getting annoyed at its wrongness and thinking you have to fix it - breathe into it with a different sentiment - send it love. Soften into it. It might release or it might not, and of course, it is always our aim to feel better if we suffer. But instead of approaching the suffering as wrong and something that needs to be corrected - accept it first. You might say to yourself "ok, so this is how it is right now, and that's OK.." And then seek change later if you still need to. Maybe you might decide by practising acceptance that there is no problem after all; seeing as all things rise and fall naturally anyway.

As always I am interested in your comments and feedback and welcome you to share whatever feels important to you to share. I will reply personally, of course.


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